Pregnancy & Infant Loss: Part 2

Miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss are particularly difficult losses to navigate. These losses can leave many loved ones wondering how to help. In the second part of this series, Sara interviews Chelsey Hedglin, hospital chaplain and bereavement coordinator, about how family members and friends can help their loved ones during pregnancy and infant losses.

They discuss what to say and what not to say, which questions are okay to ask, and how to navigate relating and comparing grief. They also give practical ideas for gestures and ways to help out.

We hope that this interview brings comfort to grieving parents, and awareness and insight to their loved ones.

Pregnancy & Infant Loss: Part 1

Pregnancy and infant losses can often feel like a grief that so many parents carry silently. In our first ever interview, Sara sits down with Chelsey Hedglin, a chaplain and bereavement coordinator at a local hospital in Nashville. Chelsey serves as the perinatal chaplain and provides support to parents who have experienced a prenatal loss, infant loss, or adverse diagnosis during pregnancy. 

In part one of this interview, Chelsey and Sara discuss this unique type of loss while focusing on the parents’ grief. They cover grief comparison, defining the term for a bereaved parent, options for navigating the loss of their baby while in a hospital setting, and tangible ways in which parents can honor the loss of their child.

The Anatomy of Early Grief: Emotional Grief

There are more emotions in grief than just sadness. What if you don’t identify with the normal feelings people talk about or the idea of the “stages of grief”? You’re in the right place.

In this episode, we dive into a variety of emotions we feel after losing someone: shock, numbness, panic, hostility, relief, and more. We speak from our personal experience as we share the emotions that left us feeling isolated in our first year following our brother’s death.

The Anatomy of Early Grief: Mental Grief

In the second episode of our mini series - “The Anatomy of Early Grief” - we cover common mental side effects “early” grief can cause.

From confusion to dissociation, we talk through our own lived experiences and how our mental health was impacted through our loss. Sara also explains the difference between acute stress disorder and post traumatic stress disorder.

As a note - this episode is not intended to be medical advice. We encourage you to seek professional medical care if you are experiencing prolonged or severe physical side effects that could be caused by grief.

The Anatomy of Early Grief: Physical Grief

Grief might be most commonly thought of as an emotional experience but it can also be an intense physical experience. In the first episode of our mini series - “The Anatomy of Early Grief” - we talk about the physical effects that grief can bring.

Sara breaks down the different nervous systems that our bodies have and their important functions. Susanna covers common physical side effects that early grief can cause like sleep and digestion issues. We share our candid experiences and how we cared for ourselves during that time.

As a note - this episode is not intended to be medical advice. We encourage you to seek professional medical care if you are experiencing prolonged or severe physical side effects that could be caused by grief.

The Problem with True Crime Entertainment

True crime entertainment is more popular than ever - and more problematic than ever. In this episode we discuss four key reasons why true crime entertainment hurts grieving people.

If you have been a consumer of true crime media, know that we have been there too! After much consideration and experiencing the tragedy of traumatic loss, we made a decision to find entertainment elsewhere. We ask that you would listen to our thoughts and consider a different perspective before streaming another episode of a “binge-worthy” show that capitalizes on the tragic death of real people.

As a note to our listeners, we mention several real cases in this episode about victims of murder. While we respectfully omit details of these cases, we understand that the subject matter can be sensitive for some listeners. Please listen with caution.

Grief Comparison

Comparing types of grief and loss is unfortunately all too common in our culture. In a desperate attempt to relate to others, comparing losses can feel insensitive and competitive. In this episode, we cover what grief comparison and competition are, how they don't help grieving people, and what to do instead. We also talk about how all types of loss are valid, but not all losses are the same. We share personal stories of our experiences with the death of our brother and how people have responded to our grief.

As a note to listeners, we briefly talk about different ways people die in this episode including accidental death, illness and cancer, and suicide. Please listen with care.

In this episode, we read two excerpts from Megan Devine's book "It's OK That You're Not OK". You can purchase this book for yourself (we highly recommend it!) and learn more about Megan's platform at https://refugeingrief.com/book/.

Welcome to Season Two

Season two of Grief Talk is here! After taking a quick break, we are back and ready for another season of deep dives into the world of grief and loss. In this intro to the new season, we talk about how we are doing as we approach the anniversary of our brother’s death. We also discuss our plans for the upcoming season.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. In this episode, we send our love to all those who are grieving the loss of a baby. While this is not a loss either of our hosts have experienced, we would love to share with the grief community how we can support people who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. If you have experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, or the loss of a baby and you’d like to share your story, something that has encouraged you, or something that has not helped you in your grief, we would love to hear from you. We honor the stories and input of those who grieve with the utmost respect and anonymity. You can write us through the “Contact” page on our website.

Our Favorite Memories

We wrap up the first season of Grief Talk with some of our favorite memories of our older brother, Leland, who passed away 5 years ago. Memories of live music, trying new foods, and childhood mischief warm our hearts as we remember the years we had with Leland.

This lighter-hearted episode reflects how our grief can grow from painful trauma to warm memories. Memories and photos of the years we have together are all we have now and hold sacred the remembrance of our brother.

Grief Support 101

The support person role is integral to a griever. It is natural to want to care for a grieving loved one or friend. 

Where do you start? How do you use your gifts to tend to a grieving person? When do you offer your help?

In this episode we talk about some conventional and unconventional ways that we were cared for in our early grief. We also touch on how to check your expectations when supporting a grieving person. 

Platitudes

Grief is uncomfortable. Our cultural response to seeing a grieving person upset is to say something to cheer them up. Although well-intended, many of the phrases used to try to lift the spirits of a grieving person can be hurtful and confusing. In this episode we discuss some common platitudes heard by grieving people and why they aren’t helpful. Some of the platitudes we discuss include:

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“They’re in a better place.”

“It was God’s plan.”

In this episode, we reference a helpful guide by therapist Whitney Goodman, LMFT. You can follow her on Instagram at @sitwithwhit.

Frequently Asked Questions Part 2

Hearing that a friend or family member has lost a loved one can bring up a lot of questions. It is natural to feel curious about the circumstances surrounding someone’s death. While a natural curiosity is harmless, asking intrusive questions can put a grieving person in an uncomfortable situation. In the second part of a two-part series on questions, we give support people alternative questions to ask and responses to hearing about a death that are more sensitive to the grieving person.

You are not entitled to a response or answer to any specific question, but there are other helpful ways to interact with a grieving person.

Frequently Asked Questions Part 1

One thing many people walking through grief encounter is questions. The questions people ask can catch us off guard, seem intrusive, or even inappropriate. In the first part of a two part series on questions, we are offering help to the grieving person who may not know how to answer some of the questions they are asked. We dive into some questions that we encountered after losing our brother that we struggled to answer. We give you practical ways to prepare for and respond to questions like:

“How are you?”

“What happened?”

“How can I help?”

You don’t owe anyone an answer or explanation in grief, but we want to help walk alongside those who need help formulating responses to frequently asked questions.

In this episode, we mention one of our favorite Instagram therapists, Tiffany Roe! Find her on Instagram at @heytiffanyroe.

Navigating the Holidays

The cheer and merriment of holidays can be especially challenging for people who have lost a loved one. In this episode, we offer ways to honor a lost loved one during the holiday season, and what to do with traditions you have held in the past. We talk about how it is totally fine to resent Halloween, feel ungrateful at Thanksgiving, and feel lost when you have one less person to buy Christmas presents for. We also give ideas of holiday practices to continue, stop, or start after losing a loved one.

Early Grief

You may have heard that the first year of grief is the hardest. It is so important to care for yourself in the first weeks and months after loss. In this episode, we share Megan Devine’s “8 simple acts for an unbearable time” as a reminder to care for your mind and body after losing your person. It’s okay to ask the people around you for what you need. We offer practical ways you can ask for help. You may feel overwhelmed with emotion. You may feel numb. We unpack four feelings that are normal in the first year (and years) of grief: loneliness, anger, jealousy, and fear.

For more information about Megan Devine and her platform, visit https://refugeingrief.com/.

Sara’s Story

In this episode, Sara shares her unique experience losing her brother, Leland. She discusses her life before loss, her relationship with Leland, and how her life has changed since his passing. Sara shares some of her favorite memories with Leland and reflects on the shock of sudden loss. Just as a heads up, we talk about finding out someone has died in this episode. While we are careful to discuss the trauma around death with sensitivity, it may be difficult for some people to hear.

Susanna’s Story

In this episode, Susanna shares her unique experience losing her brother, Leland. She discusses her life before loss, her relationship with Leland, and how her life has changed since his passing. Susanna shares some of her favorite memories with Leland and reflects on the shock of sudden loss. Just as a heads up, we talk about finding out someone has died in this episode. While we are careful to discuss the trauma around death with sensitivity, it may be difficult for some people to hear.

Welcome to Grief Talk

Welcome to Grief Talk! In this episode, we sit down and discuss the vision for this space. The idea for this podcast was born out of need. When we lost our brother suddenly, we found ourselves broken and feeling lonely. Our mission with this podcast is to comfort those who are brokenhearted from loss, to equip those with a grieving loved one, and to cultivate an intentional community by allowing ourselves the freedom to grieve.